Good Morning,
My day began with our two dogs growling at the front door. They had a perfect view of an early morning rabbit sitting in front of the window. The street light and the new snow helped to illuminate their view. I just poured a hot mug of Door County Cherry Creme Coffee and now it is time to write.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.
I was asked by a young man some time ago a few months before his wedding day a simple question on marriage. He asked me if I could give him some advice on how to make up with his wife after an argument. I laughed and he looked like I hurt his feelings. I am not sure he liked my answer either,
I went on to explain. "Buddy the best way to make up with your wife is to not have had the argument in the first place. Learn the signals of an oncoming argument and have a back out plan. The plan should be discussed now, before your wedding and both of you have a say in how to back out of an argument and let the fires of anger blow out."
Some simple rules we follow at our home is to try very hard not to discuss things that are sensitive, and emotionally charged at night, before going to bed. Tired persons do not make reasonable partners to begin with. Pray together before your trial without a jury begins and the minute things start to get heated up, you both call time out and go back and pray. Ask God to show you if you are being selfish in your views on the discussion at hand. If it is revealed that you are being selfish you need to concede that you are wrong, apologize and ask to be forgiven. Both of you should agree to be humble and admit when you are wrong. Just a change in our voice tones should give you the notice to take a a walk for more prayer. When in the time of life you are discussing the behavior of the other person. Discuss the behavior with the intent to let your partner know that this offensive behavior bothers you and without stomping them under the feet of harsh words. Remember that no one is perfect. Anger has a tendency to blow up like gasoline poured on to a fire. Don't allow anger to enter the room. Call the time out. Pray, for behavior control and the ability to forgive. Deep down, no one wants to do something that offends their partner. Being confronted with a fault, people get defensive quickly and anger ensues.
Learn to accept when you are wrong. Fix the situation of yours or hers together. This goes for both of you. So I guess the best way to make up after an argument is not to have the argument in the first place."
I left him bewildered and knew this advice was not what he wanted to hear. So later I emailed him some ways to say you are sorry and ways to be romantic. The best way to be romantic is for couples to learn to discuss things honestly, privately, and with love and respect for each other and do it with prayer.
Food for thought.
Marty
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