I can hear the wind outside of the window as I write this morning. It has been raining, with the wind howling as it blows by the corner of the house where I sit. If it were cold enough for this to be snow, I would be writing a whole different scenario today. I just started drinking a hot cup of Door County Candy Cane Coffee. It is satisfying my urge for something sweet this morning.
I hear people say "Marriage is a 50/50 deal and both sides own half of the marriage". For me, that statement is utterly bull dinky. Each person has their own relationship with God which is never 50/50. It is 100% of the time owned by you. I will get right to my point. Marriage should be forged in love for the Lord which is each party's responsibility to do so. A sour marriage is a direct reflection on ones love for the Lord. And it could be that one of the two is functioning at giving it less than 100%. That is between them and God. Each party in a marriage owns 100% of the union and should strive to maintain their perfect relationship with God. Functioning on less stops His blessings from being poured out on both the husband and wife.
Whether the marriage has been alive for a short time or as my wife Rene would say "Married for 1000 years" I find that when there are struggles within, one or both of the people when they look outside of their own sphere and start to play the blame game. The minute this happens it becomes a "he did, she did, he said, she said, circus of matrimony best left for the clowns to play. It is no longer a personal spirit filled union that is blessed by God. It is a self centered play that if it were on Broadway would die from lack of interest and be laid to rest with the other "wonders" that only lasted two weeks. A couple cannot become one when they are not a whole number of 100% accountable in their relationship with God.
Here is a simple test to take. Now calm down and take the test, not looking across the table at your spouse judging what they are or aren't. This is for YOU to do. You own 100% of the marriage and can't cop out by letting the 50% of it be someone else's fault. This is a mind game and you will see very soon that your heart and mind are not in check with God's standards. This can be done by reading and experiencing 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and asking yourself how you are doing in each quality of love.
BUT we are not going there today. Today we are going to gauge or measure ourselves on our spiritual life and see if our walk with God is running on all cylinders. The engine of our walk when not running right, directly reflects itself in our marriages. Last analogy for a minute. When my Ford truck is not running right I can't go into the garage and blame my Jeep for the issues. It is the Ford with the problem. So this little test is for you and only you.
Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love. Check yourself here. Is God always number one on your list of priorities? How much time is spent in His Word and then applying what you read? Where do you spend your money. Can your spouse see Jesus in you? Don'lie to yourself here, Be honest. If it is a low score go back to this and renew your love for God or find it for the first time.
Joy. Do you show your love for God to others by the joy you emulate? Is it your goal to extend joy to your spouse daily despite circumstances? Thus honoring God? Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the Earth.
Peace. Are you totally at peace with God? If you are it should show. Ask Him if you are. He won't lie to you. Where does it show? The fruits of the Spirit should be evident and you own your own vineyard.
Patient. Oh, here we go. How patient are you? Can you fly into a rage in seconds? If so go back to LOVE and start over. Are you a nag that promotes rage in others hoping for different results? This one is utter foolishness. In either of these cases lack of patience is a lack of love for God and and will never produce a solid marriage. The sin here is selfishness. If we continue in this way we are sinning and our walk is not Spirit filled thus the marriage lacks sustainability.
Kindness. This goes without saying, Many couples can be kind to one another. But then will shoot the kindness down by not being patient, extolling peace, and not bringing joy into the marriage. This shows a sincere lack of fear of God and is the first sign of being a fool. Go back to LOVE and start over.
Goodness. This one is simple but if not preceded by the first of the fruits listed above is impossible to attain. Do you always look for the good in others or do you see the not so good and proclaim yourself to be God by judging their inabilities in GOODNESS and ignoring your own faults?
Faithfulness. Who are you when no one else is around? Who are you when it is just you and your spouse? Can they count on you? Or do you have two personalities? Remember God knows and sees the real you? If this is true, you have been unfaithful in your marriage by inviting the other you to the dance. Go back to LOVE and start over. Three people are not to be in a marriage? You cheat on your spouse when you become the other person. I suggest that the bad you is the real you. Go back to LOVE and start over.
Gentleness. Are you gentle with others and not your spouse? Check you language. Is it abrasive or foul or both? This too is showing a lack of love for God by singing His praises in church and then opening your mouth with filth and complaints that go unchecked? Here is a perfect gauge of your relationship with God. A marriage now becomes a piece of paper and not a Holy union.
Self Control. I would need five more hours to write on just this one alone. If you cannot take this little test and only grade yourself not your spouse and take it honestly you have a serious lack of self control. You really need to go back and check how much you love God and desire to please Him with your life.
Against such things there is no law. Paraphrased. There is nothing on Earth that can stop you from walking in the Spirit except you. Not your spouse, not Satan only you!!! You are as close to God as you choose to be. Your part of the marriage consists of your 100% walk with God. You cannot possess the fruits of the Spirit without walking in the Spirit. Your Spiritual walk is your own.
Friends this was a long one. But one that was overdue. If you are in a marriage that is not hitting on all cylinders you need to look within. If you still have the same issues you had in your walk with God that you had many years ago. It was best said by an old preacher. "If you is where you was. maybe you ain't." Maybe you are confused with the highs of attending and serving in a church. Maybe you have been part of good works. Don't confuse any of that with having a true relationship God. Surrender your heart today, or renew that relationship with God. Only you can do it. The lack of fruit in your marriage is a direct reflection of your walk with God and you own 100% of it.
In closing some of you are looking at the other person across the table from you. You are taking the test for them and not for yourself. You want your own way and you just went down the road of being selfish once more. You just failed the test and fooled yourself again. Your heart should be breaking right now.
This was harsh, but we will all stand and give an account to God one day. I have way too many things to account for and a marriage that does not reflect my love for God. well, just shouldn't be one of those items.
Love one another as God loves you.
Marty
You shoot from the heart to the heart.
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