This morning finds us blanketed in snow once more and my cup of Door County Spicy Nutcracker Coffee is my companion for the morning. I think some apples and peanut butter will make for a fine breakfast. That being said, it's time to write.
Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
There comes a time and I mean many times that a married couple will have to discuss something that isn't comfortable. The number one thing that can turn ugly is a discussion on finances. Sex and the kids are the next two in line that can cause heated discussions. So for simplicity, let's talk finances, because there are many topics under the sun which we could choose.
Usually the discussion under finances is about the fact that there might not be enough "do re mi" to go around. Next it might be the fact that a large purchase has to be made or some spending habits need to change. I don't have the answers to the issues, but we have developed a system that works.
1. The discussion is announced and a time to talk is established with the subject matter clearly stated. The time is never after dinner or before bed unless it is an emergency. Usually our discussions or debates take place on a Saturday morning over my coffee and my wife's glass of Diet Dr, Pepper. We avoid going to bed angry or staying awake with anger or worry.
2. We decide to pray for the discussion together until Saturday arrives. I know that both of us will pray also on our own.
3. If the outcome isn't needed right away and we both disagree we go back to the prayer time and think about our decision and pray that we can get on the same page. We pick a meeting time again and hash it out once more. Every meeting begins with prayer and ends with prayer.
4. When tempers flare up a little we walk away and cool off. We have agreed that bringing sin into our discussion will not allow the decision to be blessed. So we try very hard not to be mean, self centered, or stubborn. Once the verbal tones rise or we say something we shouldn't have the discussion is over and we both walk away and pray for a change of attitude and heart.
5,. If we both disagree and it can wait, we wait until one of us or both of us change our minds. Usually we both change our minds because we found a better solution. Now if the situation is more immediate and we disagree Rene bends and submits to my leadership choice. Now that isn't always popular ladies, I know. But she trusts my prayer life and track record. I also do not like this because the responsibility for the action rests right on my shoulders. Guys, when it comes down to this you really have to pray and take any self centered thoughts out of your head. You better be up for this and don't go asking for it if you aren't steady in your prayer life and track record on decisions. The resistance you are meeting might be your own fault.
6. Large purchases should always be discussed. Example, many years ago our finances were very tight and I could foresee cutbacks coming in the health care job market where we both worked . Wouldn't you know that our old Jeep just decided not to produce heat and the cost to fix it back then was about $2000 dollars which we did not have at the time. We discussed buying a new car and making payments, which neither of us was comfortable with. We decided that I would dress up warm through the winter and a little heater/ fan would bought to help me defrost the windshield. Again, it was one of the coldest and snow laden winters we had in a long time. But somehow I made it through that dreadful winter. As I figured. there were cutbacks in the health care arena and Rene lost her job in the spring. Within days she actually was hired by another hospital with a substantial raise in pay.
A few weeks later I was driving the Jeep home from work on a hot day. I forgot to mention that since the heat didn't work, neither did the air conditioning. I stopped a the freeway entrance, waiting my turn and I could see and smell smoke. Our Jeep was on fire and within minutes it was a ball of flames. Well things had advanced in our finances and not having a car payment had allowed for us to save some money. We knew the Jeep wouldn't last. So after having it towed away we prayed about what to purchase for an auto. Rene's car was fairly new and in great shape, but we still decided after some prayer to go shopping. We knew what we could spend, found an affordable solution although not attractive or flashy, it was sufficient for the next few years.
Friends I still say a prayer of thanks every day for a warm vehicle. Rene did not like the idea of me driving in a freezing car. But she agreed with it after prayer and it took about three meetings. Those meetings were intense but we "weathered" through them putting each other first and not reacting without guidance from God.
So to close. Disagree, argue a little if you must, but be nice and put each other first . The decisions might be difficult but they should never cause you to sin. Those decisions, once sin creeps in will never be blessed. Our little purchase served us very well and we were able to save up some cash for the next vehicle needed. And in the middle of all that, God blessed Rene with a better job.
Marty
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