Good Morning,
The day began with the same prayer that put me to sleep last night. I just filled my mug with some hot Door County Blueberry Cobbler Coffee and it is time to write.
Yesterday we attended the wedding of a friend of ours and as weddings go I would have to say that the ceremony was beautiful. It was just the right length and the pastor's message was right on the money. Two points that the pastor made were outstanding and applied to not only the two people getting married but were very appropriate reminders for the rest of us.
James 1:19 Know this my beloved brothers. Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.
I want to zero in on one of the points and that was for the couple to not fail to communicate. I will tell you this. I speak very little Spanish. Not even really enough ability to communicate when I visit a country where Spanish is spoken. I can say good morning and a few other phrases to at least invoke a smile on the face I am passing on the streets where I am visiting. But to be able to find a doctor or a bridge of importance, that is a struggle. I usually enlist the assistance of an interpreter when I travel and at times I believe what I say loses what I really mean in the interpretation.
So you would think that it would be easy for a couple who speaks the same language to communicate with each other. Where I see the failure in the communication between a couple are a few points I will strive to make today,
1. Very often now days communication takes place with our cell phones by texting. Answers are often messed up when added emotions such as all capital letters are used or exclamation marks are added. Face to face is the best way to communicate.
2. In times of turmoil and when something needs to be worked out, pray before you talk things over. But remember Billy Graham you are not. Pray together without peaching to one another in your prayer. "Lord please have him or her grow up" is not a prayer, it is preaching to the other person that you desire for them to grow up. Keep the preaching out of your prayer. Pray together and invite God to assist you with your meeting.
3. Keep the interpreters in a cage and throw away the key. Friends and family are wonderful, but when they are used to interpret the feelings of the other person for you, that phone line is broken. For instance. " I believe he or she feels this way and therefore...... No one knows the true feelings of anyone except the owner of the feelings and unless shared it is a crap shoot to be able to figure it out.
4. Control your emotions if at all possible. It is difficult enough to hear as it is when there is stress on a relationship. But when someone hits "rage" on the anger meter the lines of communication are broken.
Psalm 37:8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath. Do not fret, it only causes harm.
5. In some instances and I say this from experience, men do not like to talk and share emotions. We are like clams and women are like crowbars trying to solicit our thoughts, feelings and emotions. The constant prying to get us to open up is a source of irritation. And women like lots of details. So men. remember that and try to accommodate within reason
6. Communicate often on everything. Schedules are another source of battles, and should be planned out ahead of time without making assumptions.
7. Never think that you were blessed with all the knowledge you need about life and admit you need to learn something every day about your relationship and your communication style. Grow as you communicate and don't clip the new vines of knowledge before they even grow to maturity.
Proverbs 18:13 if one gives an answer before he hears it is his folly and shame.
8. And this one should have been number one. To effectively communicate you both must listen with your ears and your heart. Many a person is thinking of their response while someone else is talking and then they miss the point that was being made. Men are especially good at this one. We just want to hear enough to form an opinion and then we want to fix what needs to be done and fix it quick. Women however have a tendency to want to make communications a long drawn out process. Ladies, no one ever said "Lets make mixing concrete" by hand a process that takes years and years. We see the sidewalk that needs to be poured and we want to have at it.
Last point. Budgets, issues, kids, family, work, schedules and other things that escape my mind should be in the past. Brnging up old hurts usually leads to added frustration in communications.
Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another as Christ forgave you.
In all things act like the children of God should and talk often. Failure to communicate is just what it is. Failure!
Have a blessed day.
Marty
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